I recently hosted a dinner party and one of my guests had his phone on the table the entire time. He never checked it, but it was looming as if a call might interrupt us at any moment. I didn't say anything, but I'm wondering if I could have asked him to put it away without seeming rude myself.
~H.M., Rehoboth Beach, Del.
I'm sure you were afraid of what happens all too often – dinner guests checking their phones throughout the evening, texting under the table or hearing the dreaded Marimba iPhone ring stop all conversation dead in its tracks. Leaving your phone sitting out on the dinner table is like wearing a sign that says "Yes, I'm here, but I may get a better offer at any moment."
Frankly, I'd urge you to ask your guests to refrain from using their phones – or having them lurk – at the table. I'd say it with as much good grace ("May I take that for you so we're not all distracted by it?") or humor ("I didn't set a place for Siri, so let's put her away now") as possible. Either way, your message will be clear: Electronic devices do not have a seat at your table.
To guests: Even without such an admonition, please keep your smartphones in a pocket or purse – not on the table like a package of TNT ready to detonate. Yes, you have my permission to slip out to the restroom from time to time and check your phone. (And if you're a doctor on call or otherwise expecting a truly important phone call, tell your hosts ahead of time; I'm sure they'll be happy to waive the usual dinnertime rule).
As a last resort, I love this new dinnertime ritual: Ask your guests to put their smartphones in the center of the table; the guest who reaches for his or hers first has to stay and do the dishes (or, in a restaurant, pay the bill). Believe me this works!
Read more of Steven Petrow's Your Digital Life columns on usaweekend.com. Submit your question below. You can also follow Steven on Twitter @StevenPe! trow and like him on Facebook at facebook.com/stevenpetrow.
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